Vietnam Engagement Ceremony
Before the engagement day, each family chooses two representatives from
their side. The representatives can be family members or friends, but are
usually a married couple who have a happy family of their own. Although there
are two representatives, the man is the one who actually does the representation,
requesting for the fiancee's hand in marriage on behalf of the fiance's family,
exchanging gifts, and controlling the flow of the ceremony.
In addition to selecting their representatives, the families get together
to negotiate the dowry and a date and time for the ceremony.
Traditionally, the date and time are chosen based on the fiance's and fiancee's
dates and hours of birth, but in a fast-paced society, such as that of the
United States, it is usually a matter of convenience.
Several days prior to the engagement day the fiance's parents prepare
gifts to proffer to the fiancee's family. These gifts include betel
leaves and areca nut fruits (trau cau), wine, tea, husband-wife cake (banh phu
the), sticky rice, other foods, and jewelry. They are placed in trays and
wrapped in red plastic paper, with the belief that red will bring good
luck. In addition to the other foods, a whole pig is roasted and placed
in a large tray, to be carried to the fiancee's home by two young men.
Meanwhile, the fiance is getting the ring ready, and the fiancee, preparing
herself for the ceremony.
On engagement day, the fiance's family bears the gifts to the fiancee's
home and is greeted by the fiancee's family. Once everyone is inside, the
fiance's representative asks the other representative for the fiancee's hand in
marriage on behalf of his party. The fiancee's representative graciously
accepts the gifts and presents the fiancee to her in-laws to be united.
Together, the engaged couple prays in front of the family altar and asks their
ancestors for approval. When the prayer is finished, the fiance places
the engagement ring on his fianced's finger.
Following the ring presentation, the representatives formally introduce
their party's family members according to his or her family role. From
this moment forward, the fiance and fiancee are official members of their
in-law family, and should refer to their in-law family members by their
respective roles--"dad", "mom", "uncle",
"aunt", and so forth. The parents in return accept a new son or
daughter into their own family. After the ceremony, the families
celebrate the momentous occasion with a feast organized by the fiancee's
family. It is expected that half of the food gifts received be unwrapped
and shared before the fiance's family leaves.
The day after the engagement, the engaged couple and their parents visit
their neighbors, friends, co-workers, and relatives who could not attend the
ceremony. They bring some betel leaves and areca nuts, tea and/or wines to
spread the good fortune.
